Train Pain

I find that I rarely choose to drive into London these days. Not having two cars is one reason, but a combination of parking, congestion charge, cost of petrol, being able to have a drink and a snooze, and simply the time involved means I usually choose the train.

When I was commuting - either daily or weekly - I used to generally choose the train as well. But whichever mode one chooses, there are times when it feels like the wrong choice.

Both modes are capable of throwing up a massive problem - whether it be a motorway pile-up or the wrong type of body on the line.

Yesterday, travelling in for a game at the club in London, I elected once again to let the train take the strain. I took a precaution though. When Karen dropped me at Bedford, I asked her to ait whilst I checked the departure boards. All clear. OK.

Well, as I waited, the practised eye could discern some warning signs and - lo - at 18:06 (the exact departure time) the train was then, and only then, deemed to be running 18 minutes late.

Not disastrous yet. When it arrived, it sat ominously on the platform even though it was already late. It was also packed.

Eventually, they made a further announcement. "overhead live problems at Flitwick - no trains are running through the area". Well, why didn't you say so before ?

I decided it was not too late to abandon ship, get the car, and drive in after all. I stood up and tried to open the door. It was locked. We began moving - I was committed now. Two other travellers had also tried to take the same escape route, and likewise failed.

The fact we were moving should have indicated that the problems were resolved, but the sinking feeling was that we were simply moving into no man's land.

To say the journey was not without irritations would be an understatement. The clunk-clunk of the inter-carriage doors repeatedly opening and closing. The screaming children, the mobile phones, the ridiculous announcements ("we are closing the buffet bar so that we can have some turnaround time in London" - at least an hour away .... ).

The good news was that we did trundle more or less continuously towards London - via Flitwick (or Flit-Wick as they insisted on calling it) and arrived a modest 45minutes late.

The good thing was I was travelling to a tournament that I myself had organized, so they weren't going to start without me !

The Joy of Golf

Golf has much in common with poker - masses of disappointment punctuated with moments of elation.

I have never played seriously nor consistently, but I have played on and off for a long time. Last year, during my sabbatical, I took lessons (again) and the improvement was dramatic (but very short lived).

During that time I played maybe 12 rounds in as many weeks. Since then - over the past 12 months - I have played exactly once.

So, I was very rusty, but when in Spain ....

Roger arranged for me to join his team in a regular team of 4 Stableford game. Best 2 scores of 4 to count on each hole. All very friendly he assured (which it was).

I played some good holes, but more bad ones. Roger was conspicuously generous in his assessment of my play, which was nice, but my game was weak indeed.

Still, I enjoyed it enough to play again on the following Monday. Wow ! Almost from the 1st tee, it was a totally different game. Objectively, it was still high-handicap golf - I scored a gross 98 strokes and achieved 35 Stableford points playing off 26. But it was probably my best round since records began (the records have been lost, but I can only recall one other sub-100 score).

But the manner of the 98 shots made it feel like a far better round. I regularly 3 and 4-putted, which is terrible of course. But the point is it meant I was hitting really well from tee to green. Even though those missed 6-footers are as costly in actual scoring as a mis-fire on the fairway, it feels so different.

Yes it is frustrating that I did not convert my play into a real blockbuster score, but the realisation that with even moderately good greens-play I could have shot 90 more than made up for it.

We had a team of only 3 on the day but with my run-of-form and with Greg (the third member) scoring 40 points, our combined score was a solid looking 85. On Friday, 80 won easily.

Roger "El Bandido" was rehearsing his excuses for the bandit-in-law need not have worried though as another 3-handed team turned in 97 (!!). Their "young gun" carding a net 62 playing of 15 (hmm...)

Golf, as we know, thinks nothing of building you up to knock you down, but I do expect to swap some green-baize time for green-fees time. It's such an easy game !

License to Kill (time)

Karen, Harry & I made a last-minute trip over to Spain to visit Hazel & Roger whilst Matt spent 10days with a friend in Slovakia.

As the in-laws (or parents, or grandparents depending on your perspective) live on the coast, fishing was clearly an option for Harry.

Our local experts kindly investigated the regulations concerning permits - one doubts that many tourists actually bother with this, but one expects there to be some local equivalent of our rod license.

The word was that a license should be obtained and - at 5euros for three years - cost was clearly not a consideration.

A couple of days into the trip we deemed it was time to pick up the permits. Based on experience in UK, France and Canada I had expectations that we would pop into a seafront newsagent or tackle shop and hand over the 5euros.

So, I was mildly surprised when Roger brought us to an official government building. Still, there was the sign "Licensia de pesca" and so it began.

The problems began right away. The clerk at this post clearly was not too familiar with the procedure herself and the language barrier was a factor. The all-Spanish form was reasonably self-explanatory but certainly dealing with a foreigner presented some issues for them (we had been warned to bring our passports).

Much photocopying an re-entering of data went on (it rather looked like the forms pre-dated the new IT system - and so everything on the paper form was re-done for the computer).

It did seem rather elaborate for a €5 transaction (and actually €0 in Roger's case as a 65+). Still, eventually it appeared we were ready to pay.

Oh. They don't take money at the government offices. We were directed to seek out a nearby BBVA branch - a few minutes stroll away. So, off we went, leaving the patient Karen, Hazel and Harry behind.

The branch was bright and spacious and not too threatening, but rather short on actual bank-tellers. After an inordinate wait behind just one other customer who was depositing rather less than €10 in cash (a transaction with considerable complexity, apparently) it was our turn.

The good news was that the clerk was familiar with the idea that we had come to settle the license bill. By the way - Roger had to come all this way to pay his zero Euros, it seemed.

Payment, though, was far from a simple matter. The bank had to rekey all the data into its own IT system to match that entered by the fishing authority. Now, in finance we would call this "trade matching" and it is a system with some merit although "STP" (straight through preocessing) is preferred nowadays.

Surely, though, I would not be alone in thinking this was some overkill for an average transaction value of about 2 quid?

The matching failed. It was OK for Roger who was able to settle his nought-euro bill satisfactorily, but my passport number caused a problem.

An explanation in Spanish was appended to a piece of scrap paper and we were sent back to the fisheries desk where we were asked to re-sign our original forms (yes, the ones that had been re-keyed already). Roger was in fact given his permit but I was invited to return to the bank and thence back once more to the government desk.

"manana" said I, and elected to cut our losses. I felt very strongly that having invested 90minutes, and made a genuine effort to pay, we had the moral high ground in the incredibly unlikely event of being challenged at the seafront.

I did not relish the thought of another hour (say) with the prospect of being still unable to complete the transaction.

In the UK, where the whole process is online and very straightforward, and where our banking and government services appear by comparison to be beacons of efficiency, it is hard to imagine this level of bureaucracy surviving nowadays. In Spain, I suppose it must be accepted although I do think it doubtful that many go through with this just to cast a few worms off the breakwater.

Perhaps noone has ever actually applied for one before?

For completeness, one must mention that Karen went back the next day and succesfully, and apparently painlessly, paid the fee at the second attempt and picked up the magic card which is now safely nestled in my wallet. Just 2 years and 50 weeks till I will need to brave the renewal process ...

Duck !

After the relatively succesful fishing expedition of a few days ago, Harry & I made a fresh assault having re-tackled with new lighter line and having acquired a bagful of shiny new hooks, floats etc.

We headed for basically the same spot at Bedford marina. One big difference was that 2 out of every 3 pegs were occupied. There was no apparent difference in the circumstances - weekday lunchtime, sunny. But for whatever reason there were plenty of serious-looking types already in situ.

Still we found some empty spots and set up. One other key difference was Harry's long sleeved attire - taking no chances with the sun this time !

The new equipment seemed to pay off. Once again Harry was first to "score" but it was neck-and-neck as we set a new record haul (not too hard at this stage of course !) At 4-3 to Harry we nearly called it a day but 'one more cast' saw us move to 5-5 and a succession of 'last one's meant we stood 8 - 7 to Harry when it really was the final fling.

Harry's rod was already packed up and I cast once more as we tidied everything else up.

It was quite a short throw and I was only half-watching as we put things away.

There is a large population of swans, geese, ducks and other birds on the lake at all times. At first these were a bit offputting and oftentimes we waited for them to pass by before casting. But over the course of many hours it seemed they were not attracted by the floats, and certainly not by the baited hooks. Furthermore they were able to swim over the line without interfering with it.

Until this time ! A male mallard duck (I think) paddled past shoreside of my float, and thus over the submerged monofilament line. The float moved ! And kept moving .... the duck's underwater pedals had caught the line.

Help !

This has never happened to me in 30 years of fishing. What to do....

I pulled gently on the line by hand. The duck moved !

It was clearly actually attached. I had no choice but to reel it in. The bird had no idea what was happening as it sailed backwards. I grabbed the offending leg and attempted to free it. The hook was not involved, but the line was unquestionably caught (possibly on the metal ring).

The duck luckily was not as strong as I feared and was not in immediate danger, but I wanted to get a clean release. However, cutting the line appeared an option and Harry began rooting through the rucksack for the necessary implement. I considered cutting the line with my teeth but opted to take the whole duck "under my wing" and picked it up (a nice big towel would have been useful) and, thus restrained, it was a good patient.

I was able to unravel the line intact and set the bemused fowl on its way - ruffled but not harmed.

Phew !

Vive la difference

For all my frustration at the Nationwide CHAPS "procedure", and the fact that the method was plainly not fit for purpose, I decided the lesser evil was to proceed with sending off the form in the mail. I thought it would actually work, despite being a bit daft.

As it happened, an instant transfer was actually not of the essence (although, usually it would be). In fact, I might have reverted to a simple BACS transfer except for other stupid restrictions on that service which rendered it useless in this instance.

So, off went the form on Friday afternoon. With Saturday intervening, I felt this meant it was all but certain that the documents would be safely in their hands by Monday morning and same-day Monday was adequate in my case.

However, by Monday night the money had not been received where it was going. I hoped this actually indicated that the recipient's bank was simply not yet showing the funds. But, no, I saw the money had not left my account.

OK. I rang them up. This time I was able to get through. I was put on hold whilst they rifled through their piles of post. No, apparently they did not have the form.

This is exactly why the post is a poor method for such important transactions. It is not possible to know whether the form had been lost in the mail (unlikely but still possible), lost at their end (quite likely in my view), or simply not yet arrived (by now it was at Tuesday morning - it was just about possible that it genuinely had not yet arrived but more likely was floating around their offices).

Essentially, it would be better not to offer a CHAPS service at all than to conduct one by post.

What could they suggest ? They suggested waiting around and checking again after 2pm when they expected a second post. This did not sound like a very sensible option - if they still could not lay hands on it, all prospect of making the transfer somehow otherwise would be foiled by the lateness in the day.

There seemed nothign else for it but to tryto make the transfer in-branch. I had eschewed this method originally since the whole point of an internet bank account is .... not to have to deal with bank branches.

Anyway, down I want and queued up for 15minutes. When it was my turn, I was advised that to make a CHAPS trasfer I had to queue up at reception and arrange to sit down with an adviser.

Taking a look at the second queue and the prospect of multiple stages resulting, quite possibly, in failure again, I instead opted to abandon the Nationwide route. Returning home, I picked up the phone to Coutts who made the transfer in somewhat less than 1 minute total.

This left me with just one important task. I thought it a significant risk that Nationwide would at any moment find the form behind the sofa or under the coffee tray and try to process it - which would cause a whole new round of problems. I had of course told them not to proceed should the form come to light, but there was no reason at all to suppose this instruction would be effective.

Instead, I moved the money to another Nationwide account (this you can do effortlessly) so as to take the funds out of harm's way. A bit of a contrivance, but worthwhile risk management I think !

On reflection, I see my main mistake. I thought that Nationwide was providing banking services.

The distinction between banks and building socieies has unquestionably narrowed very consderably and certainly many former building societies actually did formally become banks.

Nationwide very overtly has not demutualised or re-formed as a bank, and is "proud to be different". Their credit card is undeniably different and better (for the customer). What I had not realised is that "difference" works both ways. Banks are better at banking.

Don't Bank on it

I am not usually one to moan about the banks.

On the whole, I tend to think that banks are fully entitled to their usually large profits and I think they provide a great many services, most of which I think are surprisingly cheap.

I am always surprised that they offer free banking, for example, and free cash withdrawals. These services must cost plenty of money to provide. I also find it hard to be sympathetic to those who complain about being charged for unauthorised overdrafts and so on. What do people expect ?

Anyway, this post is not really about the usual complaints.

It's just going to be a rant about Nationwide Building Society and their online banking product.

We have Nationwide accounts because they provide fee-free overseas transactions. Use their debit or credit card abroad and get the market exchange rate with no loading. This compares to a pretty much uniform 2.75% on the hundreds of other accounts.

Until recently, Nationwide was completely alone in offering this. Even now they are almost entirely out of step with all the rest of the banks.

To us, this is a genuinely useful and money-saving feature.

But, wow, do you have to put up with a lot.

For a start, to open the accounts in the first place was a trial-by-paperwork. Considering I wanted to open internet-only accounts, the amount of paper and the clumsiness of it all was remarkable. It really seems like they never want you to actually be able to get to the end of it.

Eventually it was done and all was fairly smooth until today when I wanted to make a money transfer.

I had placed funds in my flex account expressly in anticipation of making the transfer, and now was the time.

OK.

I had expected to be able to go online, supply the payee details and off you go.

Well, no.

Various ridiculous restrictions applied to regular BACS transfers but anyway I wanted to do an instant CHAPS transfer. Of course I expect to pay a fee for this, possibly to need to call and answer some security questions (although, really, I simply expect to be able to get on with it).

Well, no, the procedure with Nationwide is that you fill in, print and sign the form and MAIL IT to them.

The two reasons you use a CHAPS transfer are (i) security and integrity and (ii) speed. You might use a CHAPS transfer to settle a time-critical and large-value transaction such as completing on a house purchase, for example.

And to meet these objectives? Send the form off in the post ..... 0/10 might be a little generous I feel.

The good news is that I feel our money is probably very safe in Nationwide. The trouble banks got themselves into lately has been mainly to do with doing things too BIG, too FAST and too NEW. Since very little CDO-squared business was done by post with per-day maximum of £10k, I think Nationwide are unlikely to have got too much in harm's way.

Fried Fish

On Thursday, Matt had once again disappeared off to a friend's house for an impromptu mini-holiday. Harry meanwhile announced he would like to go fishing.

There seemed no reason not to go apart from the obvious likelihood of being unsuccessful in catching anything. So, we assembled what kit we have - recently bolstered by a Christmas present from Colin & Kathleen - and stopped to pick up a pint of multi-coloured maggots on the way to Priory marina.

We headed in the opposite direction to last time and, having rejected a spot on the river, we opted for the well-marked swims on the shore of the lake.

Conditions were certainly good for fishermen (if not necessarily for actually catching fish). Sunny, calm, and the fishing locations are very well prepared with good access and a firm, flat base at each spot. Room for two, just about, which was useful as Harry needed some help with the basics.

However, he was a quick learner and very patient too.

We were rather slow off the mark with all the setting-up but, to our surprise, with less than an hour gone Harry got a solid bite and achieved his first UK fish !

We did catch a total of 3 (2-1 in Harry's favour). It's a start ! We will tackle up with smaller hooks and lighter line next time.

When we got home, via picking Matt up, we realised we had caught something else too - the sun ! Both of us had bright red arms !